Every once in a blue moon, you come across the opportunity to do something you know you just shouldn't. Of course, you run through the pros and cons of why you think you can still do that, and why you really really really shouldn't. But in the end, you always end up doing it anyways, cause life wouldn't be fun if you spent it being paranoid about what might happen.
Now that I've sufficiently confused myself with that ramble-jamble, I recently came across that incident. Where I'm completely torn between what to do. I know what I want to do, but I also know I should turn around and run like a bat out of Hell. But of course, I don't. I do what I want to, after all. I knew what the consequences would be. I knew that I'd end up beating myself up for it. I knew that I'd probably become even more insanely awkward, yet I still did it anyways. But why?
It could easily be because when you're a kid and your mom says, "no you can't throw the cat down the stairs!" You are, without a doubt, going to throw the stupid cat down the stairs. It's no different with yourself. When you tell yourself not to do something, your mind is naturally going to want to do the exact opposite. Life sucks that way.
Granted, things didn't end up as awkward as I had previously imagined. So that's certainly good. But I'm not one to be able to successfully block things out of my hyper-active mind. So it's always there, lurking, waiting for me to succumb to my desires once again. And again. And again. Hopefully I'll perfect my self-control. But I'm not going to hold my breath on that. Death isn't really a reasonable punishment.
Then of course, if another person is involved, you have to take them into consideration. Sucks, right? You don't know what they're thinking. You only know what they tell you. And they sure as Hell aren't going to flat out admit some of this crazy shit they're most likely thinking... Now that would just be too easy. And life is not easy, ladies and gentlemen, not one bit.
xoxo, the little birdy.
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