You are a bad person.

I'm not sure what else to say to this. I know it's horrible of myself to say. But that's actually the nicest way I can put it.

I'm finally starting to learn your games, thank God. It kills me that I have to fight you off every day so I can keep my sanity and live my days without pain in my mind and body. I've realized that what you tell me is all complete lies. I don't know what's true. I don't know what's false. But I do know that most of it isn't true. When things stop adding up, you know something is wrong. I may be unable to remember things properly, but for Christ's sake you should know that I will notice when two and two does not equal four when it comes to the fabricated life you share with me.

I have to figure some things out. Should I ignore you or confront you? I don't know if I can do either. You know how to toy with my emotions. You know that the best way to get me to you is if you are hurting. Because I always will care. I reckon that's my weakness. I care too much. If you are mean, I can take it and move on, but when your "heart" (I'm not even sure if you have one) hurts, I melt and I am yours. Unfortunately, you know this by now.

I had to fight myself away from you. PHYSICALLY FIGHT. Well, with myself. It killed me. I thought my heart was tearing into twice pieces. One half left with you, one mutilated piece left with me, never to be whole again. Never able to feel real emotions again. It hurts. So much. I never wanted to leave my bed. I wanted to sleep all day and fall into a dreamland full of unrealistic hopes.

It's a year later. And this is happening all over again. You're nice and sweet and say the things you think I want to hear. But you know what, I'm a big girl. I've grown up. I've learned your stupid games and I'm not falling for it. If I stop talking to you, don't keep trying. I don't argue because I know that you only do that so that I will keep talking to you, so that then you can change the subject to something you're comfortable talking about.

I know I'm stupid. I know that now. It sucks. Cause I'm smart. So intelligent that it's pretty crazy. But you confuse me. Not in the good way. You know that if I'm on one track, you can quickly change it and I don't realize that you've insulted me or manipulated me into some form that you would like me to be in. This all sucks. And I'm tired of it. Really freaking tired of it.

The whole thing is bullshit. And all I've got to say is GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND.

xoxo, the little birdy.